10 months stronger!

It's hard to believe that Friday marked my 10 months since being diagnosed. So much has happened... my life has completely changed. Two years ago, I never saw my self here, even a year ago, I never thought that I would be in a happier place in my life. It's hard to describe. I'm happier, but PTSD is like a crazy roller coaster. Within seconds of something happening, I can be in a depressed mood with anxiety through the roof, and spending every moment in my womb (room.)

I want to live in this 'high' as long as I possibly can. It's a feeling that I can't describe. I think Ian has helped so much with that. I visit him every week, talk to him, and I feel his presence more than ever now. I feel like he is with me everyday and I truly believe he is helping me to start remembering the good times that we had with him. I've had such a hard time dealing with Ian. Whenever I think of him, my mind always goes right to the fact that he died or the flu, he isn't here anymore. I think Ian has pushed me to think of all the good times. The other night while I was at Julie's with the other neighbors, he was brought up. Instead of me instantly going to shut down mode, I told stories of him and laughed. Later when I left, I remember a certain part of my dream I had a few weeks prior and remember seeing his smiling face and him laughing. I am so blessed to have such an incredible guardian angel. I couldn't imagine going through this journey without him. I know he is helping me through this. And it's not like I didn't feel his presence before all of this or even until now, I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am letting him help me. I am letting him guide me through this. I am SO lucky!


This has been a journey the last 10 months. But I believe that Ian is truly helping me through all of this. I know that there will never be a date that will end this journey, but I know that I can better myself through all of this. I have come so far in the last 10 months.. even in the last 2 years.. I know I have a long journey ahead of me, but with the love and support of everyone around me, I will make it through this.