I've been debating all day using names and what not. I've decided to keep names out of it, however, I know some of you will guess correctly. They have triggered my nightmares ten times worse than when they began. These nightmares leave me in a trance. I feel like I am unable to function. They leave me depressed and anxious all day. I maybe triggered by one thing, but that doesn't mean that I will be having my nightmares surrounding that issue. For most of you who know me well or have kept up with my blog, know that death is a really rough issue for me.
I'll start with my nightmares. I can't remember Friday night's nightmares. Sometime I spend the whole day thinking about them and sometimes I don't. If I tell someone it's usually a lot easier for me to remember. It dealt with work. All the girls were given weapons to kill all of the males. We were at a place and I'm not sure where it was. I wasn't shooting anyone but I was seeing pleanty of the males dying. All of these people were the school age kids we have in adventure club. It was consistant death. I just saw the males being shot and blood pouring out of them. I was concerned for one of my male sped kids especially. I stuffed him in a backpack and I had another kid carry the backpack. I kept checking on the kid in the backpack constantly. Finally I picked the kid carrying the backpack up and tried to hide him as I ran as fast as I could so they wouldn't be hurt. I woke up with tears rolling down my face. This scares me all too much. It makes me realize how much I truly love each and every one of my work kids no matter if they drive me crazy or not.
Now I had kind of a rough week, but on Friday I recieved a post that left me trigger, upset, and in tears. It wasn't a nice post what so ever. And the fact that it was directed towards me made it worse. Now it wasn't just anyone. It would have been different if it were a friend. Well first of all, a friend wouldn't post something like that on facebook. Actually, no one expect the person that did it would post anything like that on facebook. Every since then my PTSD nightmares have been a million times worse and my depression and anxiety have truely been affected. Yeah, it triggered me. It made me sick to my stomach.
People are telling me not to let it bother me. I should expect this, but it's a lot harder for me. First of all, I've never had something so directed at me. She is acting like a child but that's besides the point. It's hard to just let it go. So I'm deleting it off my facebook wall tomorrow. I'll give that person a chance to see how they messed up. If there was ever a chance of relationship with that person, there sure isn't a chance now.
No comments:
Post a Comment