The days before the diagnosis

Tomorrow marks two years since I've been diagnosed with unintentional Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. It is very easy for me to remember what I was feeling on this day, two years ago. I had these feelings for a few weeks after I broke down and told my mom about everything that was going on.

I was stressed and worried for my doctor's appointment the next day. I had missed the first one by oversleeping which made me very upset. I was already vonrable so that just didn't help at all. I knew that from research that I was doing and how I had felt over the past year, I would get diagnosed with something, I just wasn't sure what. My main stress was walking in and the doctor telling me that everyone goes through this and not to stress out about it. It would go away soon enough. And then my other main feeling was being told I was crazy and being diagnosed with depression. That's literally all I thought I was going to get diagnosed with.

I had researched for months the feelings that I was having. While I was researching, I thought I was over exaggerating my feelings. I didn't think they were 'as bad' as other people had it. I remember that PTSD kept appearing in google search. I, of course, didn't believe it because I thought only rape victims and soliders could get that. It took a lot of research about it before I found out that PTSD can be caused by the death of a loved one, or death of a lot of people in a short amount of time. I had both. I still didn't believe it because not every site said that's what could cause PTSD. I thought I was over reacting.

When I walked into the doctor's on May 9th, I wasn't expecting the diagnsosis that I was given. Honestly, it was a surprised to everyone. I think most people assumed the same thing about PTSD. It was almost a huge relief when my doctor gave me the diagnosis and a few months later a psychiatrist gave me the same, along with generalized anxiety disorder. I knew that I wanted to be put on medication because I wanted to stabalize myself as soon as possible. My ultimate goal is to not be on any medication for any of this, but I accept the fact that it will probably take years before I am able to do that. I was immeditaley set up with a therapist and had my first meeting with my therapist the first week in June. My doctor described it as a wound. The bandaid (medication) can only help a little bit, the ointment (therapy) is what is going to heal the wound.

It's been a long past couple of years but I am happy to be at the place I am today.